Am I a freak, a monster?
by Vicious-Loner
Summary: Gaara can't bear what he has become and eventually breaks down. Oneshot.


The sand blew around. Wich really wasn't unusual as the village laid in the middle of a desert. A certain chunk of sand clumped together to form a human body. The nearby people flinched away from the newly shaped boy. A curious little child, faschinated by what had just happened before him, was quickly hoisted away by his mother.

"Don't go near that freak, he might kill you" the mother scolded her child.

"But mama..." the child whined.

"No buts, he's dangerous" the mother finished the discussion. The 'freak' just glanced at them before he began to walk down the street towards the house he shared with his siblings, people quickly getting out of his way. Faint whispers reached his ears. Nothing he hadn't heard before. He had grown up like this and you might think he was used to it by now, but he wasn't. It still hurt and the hatred towards those who refuse to accept him flared up when he heard a quite high whisper, almost a growl.

"Monster."

He turned his gaze towards the man who had uttered the words. Everybody froze, they could sense something bad was about to happen. He stopped as he met the man's eyes. His eye twitched. The man knew he was doomed, the fear shone through his eyes. The sand finished him off quickly and painlessly, blood splattering everywhere. The surounding people had fled as soon as the sand had began to move. Squishing the man sent a feeling of calm pleasure to him and he looked around for another poor soul to squish. No one. The street was empty as the people knew better than to stay in his presence too long, especially when he wanted to kill. Twitching in annoyance he continued to walk towards the place he called home. Even if there was no one in sight he could still hear the whispers. Though he wasn't sure wether he actually heard them or if they just were memories resurfacing. It didn't matter, it sounded all the same.

He entered his house almost crushing the doorknob in the process. Setting down the gourd in its usual corner he settled himself on a cushion in the corner of the living room. He could still hear the villagers' whispers.

'Monster, freak, demon, dangerous, don't go near that freak, you monster, get away from him, he's dangerous, leave my child alone you monster, am I going to work together with that freak, what have you done you monster... you monster... that freak... your name really suits you, monster... monster...'

He didn't realize he had leant forward and was cradling his head in his hands and was shaking slightly before he felt a hand on his shoulder. He heaved a deep sigh and looked up through his fingers at the person standing beside him. Temari. She looked... worried?

"Gaara... what's wrong?" she asked. "You're... shaking..." she whispered, scared of making him angry. He sighed again and lowered his hands to look at them.

"Temari..." he said slowly. "Am I a freak, a monster?" Temari was quiet for a while.

"Well... thinking of what's inside of you..." she began. Gaara looked up at her again, sighing.

"I don't care for what's inside of me, just answer truthfully Temari. Am I a monster?"he said. Temari closed her eyes for a little while, thinking of everything she knew about her brother, everything he had said and done throughout the years. Coming to a conclusion she opened her eyes and met her brother's green eyes and slowly nodded. He sighed and dropped his head into his hands again.

"I never asked for this" he whispered. "I never asked to have Shukaku sealed within me. I never wanted to become a monster." He began to shake again.

"Gaara..." Temari didn't know what to do, Gaara had never behaved this way before. He seemed... human.

"Everybody hates me" he whispered. "I live only kill, used by those who hate and fear me. I hate them, I hate them all" he spat, shaking worse. "But... even more..." his voice began to tremble and waver as he whispered. "I hate myself. I hate what I am, what I have become. I'm a monster and I hate myself for it. I hate it..."

Drops of water hit the floor as Gaara cried. He broke down completely as he sobbed uncontrollably and choked on the tears, his heart aching, splintering, writhering and hurting with such intesity his chest threatned to burst with pain. Temari was shocked to say the least. What she saw in front of her wasn't a demon, a monster who enjoyed killing people. She saw her little brother as the human he is deep inside, the rejected, hated and feared little boy that never got accepted. Nor loved. She sank down beside him and wrapped her arms around him in a hug. He leant in to her embrace and slipped into her lap, holding one hand clutched to his aching heart and the other clutching his sister's shirt and sobbed freely on her shoulder.

She didn't know for how long they sat there but eventually the sobbing subsided and Gaara just sat there in her lap, breathing calmly with his eyes closed. If it had been anybody else but Gaara she would've thought he had cried himself to sleep. But now it was her little brother Gaara and he never slept. She knew the permanent insomniac was just resting a bit, relaxing peacefully, soaking in the feeling of being hugged, the feeling that someone actually cared for him. They sat like that for what felt like an eternity before Gaara sighed deeply trough his nose and slowly pulled away. He swallowed, unsure of what to say.

"Well... thanks" he mumbled, looking at the floor. Temari just smiled at him.

"You're welcome" she ruffled his hair which was surprisingly soft. "You want anything to drink?" she asked after a little while. Gaara just nodded. Moving to his spot by the kitchen table he watched his sister make some hot chocolate.

Temari noticed that Gaara's expression was about as cold as usual but something in his eyes had changed. There was a light behind them that hadn't been there before. He seemed... calm, almost happy. It seemed almost unreal that a hug could do that to a person but to someone like Gaara, that has been hated, feared and rejected all his life, a hug would mean the world. It meant that someone didn't hate or feared him, that someone had accepted him. And that is the beginning to be able to feel loved, to be able to love others and ultimately love himself. Gaara took a sip of the mug Temari set in front of him. It was warm, sweet and comforting. He would alway think of his sister whenever he drank hot chocolate, it would always remind him of today. At least his sister accepted him and maybe, maybe she could begin to love him and teach him how to love others. Maybe, just maybe, he could be happy. And maybe, sometime in the future, he could find someone to love.

* * *

Well, what do you think? I hope you enjoyed this, feel free to scold me if you didn't.

Just a little one-shot I wrote a little while ago and there will be no continuation. I have tons of stuff to move from note book to computer that I've written during my recent vacation so expect to see more stories from me somewhat soon.

Vicious-Loner


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